Дети. Воспитание. Размышления

В декабре 2016 года я написал пост Дети. Воспитание.

Проходит время, наблюдаешь за ростом своих детей, размышляешь, сравниваешь.

СПРАВКА из жизни:

Мои родители: папа окончил фазанку (до 1941 года), после войны заочно техникум. Ушел на пенсию с должности заместителя начальника экспортного отдела крупного предприятия. Мама окончила педагогический техникум. Всю жизнь, до пенсии, работала технологом на том же, что и папа, предприятии — стояла за кульманом.

Родители моей первой жены: папа погиб за 2 месяца до рождения дочери. Мама, фактически, передала дочь на воспитание своим родителям. Дедушка — парикмахер, бабушка — домохозяйка (правда она была дочерью крупного судовладельца на Волге, до 1917 года).

О себе и своей первой жене я писал в начале указанного выше поста.

Родители моей второй жены: папа окончил рыбный техникум, позднее был прапорщиком  и работал на гражданских предприятиях. Мама окончила техникум и работала лаборантом в строительной отрасли.

Моя вторая жена: окончила рыбный техникум, работала немного в торговле. Позднее окончила педагогический университет. Работает в музее. Начальник отдела.

Сравнив исходные данные (как говорят технари) понимаешь, что образование родителей, дедушек и бабушек — воспитателей детей, в принципе, почти одинаковое. С поправкой на время жизни.

А ставшие взрослыми мои дети от разных жен НЕ СРАВНИМЫ!

Вы спросите: к чему это я веду?

А веду я как раз к теме моего поста — Дети. Воспитание. Размышления.

Оказывается, даже при одинаковых образовательных данных родителей, дети вырастают АБСОЛЮТНО разные.

Не уровень образования родителей определяет воспитанность детей, а воспитанность самих родителей создает того ребенка, который вырастая, выходит в мир человеческих отношений.

И если родители, имея одно, два, а то и три высших образования не воспитаны и не хотят заниматься воспитанием своих детей, то и их дети вырастут ТАКИМИ ЖЕ. Как под копирку.

Важно еще понять то, что ребенок основное в своем поведении возьмет от доминирующего в семье родителя. Даже если он (ребенок) этого и не хочет.

То же происходит если в семье есть ребенок от предыдущего брака. Тут доминирующим будет родной родитель.

Сложность воспитания в семье ребенка от предыдущих браков заключается в том, что родной родитель почему-то априори считает — мою кровиночку хотят унизить, обидеть. И тут очень редко родной родитель думает трезвой головой. Я считаю, что здесь в действие вступает животный рефлекс сохранения своего детеныша.

Конечно, может быть недостаток образования или воспитания родного родителя, не дает возможности взвешенно и серьезно разобраться в отношении второго супруга(и) к родной кровиночке.

Но факт остается фактом — при всем желании второго родителя сделать замечание не родному ребенку, для его же (ребенка) блага, встречается в штыки родным родителем. А если честно, то с НЕНАВИСТЬЮ, которая откладывается (с помощью родного родителя) в головке ребенка. И чем больше второй (не родной) родитель будет стараться сделать лучше для ребенка в вопросах воспитания, тем больший заряд ненависти будет на него направлен — ребенком, при прямой поддержке родного родителя.

Со стороны это кажется абсурдом, но это так. Родной родитель НЕ ДАЕТ своему ребенку возможности  лучшего воспитания с помощью не родного родителя. Хотя, как я могу с уверенностью  сказать из своего жизненного опыта, в это же время сам родитель будет очень активно самовоспитываться.                                                             То есть РОДНОЙ РОДИТЕЛЬ УМЫШЛЕННО не дает лучшего воспитания своему РОДНОМУ ребенку.

Абсурдно звучит, но это многократно подтверждено жизнью. И это происходит, к сожалению, в основном у женщин-мам.

Став взрослым, ребенок часто понимает, что мама была не права. Но на это уходят годы. И заниматься своим самовоспитанием в зрелом возрасте им сложнее и дольше. А полученное, с помощью мамы, недовоспитание, очень часто разрушает судьбы молодых  взрослых детей.

Есть ли решение этой проблемы?

Есть — это ОБДУМАННОЕ МНОГОКРАТНО  действие родного родителя на предложение не родного , перед озвучиванием своей реакции. Родной родитель должен понять ПОЛЕЗНОСТЬ замечания не родного родителя для СВОЕГО ребенка. И ничего личного в это время не должно быть в голове родного родителя!

Мы сами строим мир вокруг себя. И для своих детей ОСОБЕННО!!!

 

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