Отношения. Большая разница в возрасте

Отношения. Большая разница в возрасте. Брак по расчету.

Эта ситуация сегодня достаточно распространенная. Рассматриваем варианты, когда разница в возрасте превышает 15 лет и , конечно, более взрослый имеет больший финансовый достаток.

Давайте и мы попробуем разобраться в этой теме. (Излагается мнение автора).

Первое, что я считаю — подобный брак совершается АБСОЛЮТНО осознано. Речь о чувстве можно вести чисто условно, причем совсем о другом чувстве  Почему я так считаю? Тут в отношениях обоих главную роль играет природный инстинкт — чувство самосохранения.

Самосохранение. О чем речь?

  • комфортное устройство себя (более молодого) в жизни, скорее финансовое,
  • беспокойство за устройство своих детей (от предыдущего брака) в жизни (для женщины),
  • возможность получить престижное образование,
  • возможность получить желаемую работу или спокойно заняться творчеством,
  • либо, наоборот, желание вообще не работать,
  • «продлить» себе молодость или её ощущение, находясь рядом с молодой (ым).

Второе, которое вытекает из первого — такой брак разом помогает решить все свои жизненные проблемы.

В нашей сегодняшней, довольно неспокойной, жизни это абсолютно здравое желание.

Главное то, как ведет себя каждый в этой сделке. Да, вы не ошиблись. Это самая обыкновенная сделка.

От поведения каждого зависят отношения внутри семьи и сам факт ее существования.

Попробую немного пояснить свои мысли про возможные ВАРИАНТЫ ОТНОШЕНИЙ  в семье:

  • потребительские — один изначально выступает потребителем, другой поставщиком всего того, что необходимо первому,
  • игровые — папа и дочка или мама и сын,
  • деловые или партнерские,
  • семейные.

Да,  я не ошибся. Вариант отношений — семейные, стоит на последнем месте. Сделка есть сделка. Тут практически не может быть чувств (мое мнение — в 99% случаев). Если только чувство уважения (жалости) или неуважения к старшему.

Конечно, если появляются дети, отношения становятся несколько похожими на семейные. Но в голове более молодого партнера все равно уже установлена программа — мне должны. О каком долге может идти речь?

Вступая в неравный брак, более молодой прекрасно понимает, что он продает свою жизнь взрослому партнеру. И, вполне естественно, молодой(ая) считает, что ему теперь ДОЛЖНЫ ПОСТОЯННО, всю жизнь, во всем.

И именно в этот момент: в голове одного четко сформировалась уверенность, что ему теперь всегда должны (за его молодость), а в это время в голове другого уже существует уверенность в том, что ему должны, потому, что он облагодетельствовал партнера этим браком.

Возникает простой конфликт интересов. Как в бизнесе.

Какие выходы существуют в бизнесе?

  1. Выигрывает сильнейший. Второй, естественно, проигрывает и живет по правилам выигравшего,               либо проигравший просто уходит.
  2. Выстраивание партнерских отношений, если соперники оказались равными. В семейной жизни такое случается крайне редко. И, все равно, через какое-то время выявляется победитель.                                Хотя, в семейной жизни, как впрочем и в бизнесе, победитель может быть разный в разных сферах совместной жизни.

Теперь начинается самое интересное — повседневные отношения.

Самое разумное и правильное (мое мнение) — это разделение отношений на бытовые и рабочие. Кто-то один полностью отвечает за бытовые вопросы, а другой, в это время, решает рабочие И мужские вопросы.

Я специально не выделил финансовые вопросы и зарабатывание денег, так как в сегодняшней жизни это очень индивидуально. Не только мужчина может зарабатывать больше денег, но и женщина вполне способна оказаться лидером.

Ситуация, когда каждый из супругов старается участвовать в решении абсолютно всех вопросов, даёт печальные результаты. Скандалы, обиды и непонимание друг друга.

Так какая же цель написание этого поста? — спросите вы.

Я хотел вместе с вами проанализировать ситуацию с семьями, у которых большая разница в возрасте и понять — насколько они жизнеспособны?

Мой вывод: такие семьи могут существовать счастливо, но при одном условии! Ни один её участник НЕ ИМЕЕТ ПРАВА  воспользоваться своей уверенностью (один — молодостью, другой — зрелым возрастом и достатком) в своем преимуществе. Они должны, в первую очередь, уважать (если не любить) своего партнера и оказывать ему больше знаков внимания. Это очень сложно, но в результате каждый из партнеров выигрывает.

Что выигрывает?

Счастливые годы СВОЕЙ СОБСТВЕННОЙ ЖИЗНИ прожитые в любви. Да, именно своей. В противном случае эти годы будут просто бездарно потеряны. В обидах и ненависти к партнеру и себе.

P.S.

Здесь я не затрагивал тему сексуальных отношений в таком браке, так как это совсем другой разговор совсем про другое.

Мы сами строим мир вокруг себя.

Вы можете оставить комментарий, или ссылку на Ваш сайт.

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