Поздние дети. Отец и сын

Поздние дети. Отец и сын. Размышления отца о воспитании своего ребенка.

Мне 60, а сыну почти 4. Я думаю, что имею право немного поговорить о его воспитании.

Рождение ребенка — всегда радость. А рождение его, когда тебе за 50, это просто счастье. О себе я немного писал здесь.

Конечно я понимал, что стать родителем ребенка в таком возрасте очень ответственно. Но мы с женой так решили и теперь счастливы, что у нас растет такой развитой ребенок.

Первая у меня была дочь и взрослела она фактически самостоятельно, так как я почти постоянно был на службе.

С сыном я практически постоянно нахожусь рядом.

Возраст ребенка в процессе его воспитания не имеет значения. С самых пеленок надо относиться к нему как к равному. (Все рассуждения мои личные). Ведь давно доказано, что слышит и понимает рождающийся человечек еще в утробе матери.

Давайте рассмотрим некоторые стороны в наших отношениях с ребенком:

Уважение — вот главное, что должен почувствовать малыш с самого начала общения с отцом. Сын должен быть уверен, что он равный. Наверное это зачатки лидерства. Ведь чувство равенства дает право доказывать свою точку зрения и отстаивать её. Я считаю, что это основа любого диалога. Малыш не должен безропотно выполнять любые команды. Он вправе понять,  почему от него это требуют. Вначале взрослому тяжело выстраивать такие отношения. Потом к этому привыкаешь и начинаешь думать прежде чем что-то сказать  сыну. От этого авторитет перед ним растет, так как меньше ставится непродуманных задач.

Правильная речь. Я не сторонник сюсюкания (искажение слов) с самого рождения. Маленький человек должен слышать слова так, как они звучат на самом деле. Не надо подбирать более доступные и понятные для него слова. Тогда вам легче будет даваться разговор и ребенок быстрее расширит свой словарный запас. Об этом очень здорово сказано в книге Ибука Масару «После трех уже поздно».Кроме того, искаженные вами слова могут неправильно развивать произношение и дикцию малыша.

Внимание. Чувство того, что вы обращаете на него внимание, формируется у малыша еще в утробе мамы. Как вы относитесь к просьбам своей беременной жены он прекрасно чувствует.  С рождением маленький человечек начинает требовать к себе максимум внимания. Но здесь не надо перегибать палку и, бросая все дела, сразу бежать к нему. Если вы чем-то заняты, просто скажите ему об этом, даже если вы находитесь в другой комнате. При этом малыш должен чувствовать, что вы обращаете на него внимание.

Контроль за действиями. Ваш человек пополз, а потом и пошел. Это огромная радость и, конечно, повышенная ответственность родителей.  Вы должны следить за первыми движениями, но не должны подхватывать и поддерживать при ВТОРЫХ попытках малыша самостоятельно двигаться. Он уже понял смысл своих движений. Не лишайте его возможности самостоятельно познавать мир. Вы можете отбить ему желание проявлять инициативу. Взрослея ваш ребенок начнет забираться все выше и выше. Не мешайте, а находитесь рядом и страхуйте. Не внушайте малышу чувство страха. Просто спокойно ему об этом расскажите. Я считаю, что для мальчишки это особенно важно.

Занятия. Они должны начаться для малыша с первого дня после прихода с родильного дома. Вначале это просто участие его в пеленании (лежит спокойно и не мешает маме пеленать или одевать его). потом все сложнее и сложнее. Я не буду вдаваться в различные программы, вы сами выберете что вам нужно. Родители не должны все развитие перекладывать на детский сад и школу. Мы должны принимать в этом процессе непосредственное участие. Хочу сказать, что различные занятия должны продолжаться у ребенка до окончания высшего учебного заведения. Желательно, чтобы кроме основного образования,  ваше чадо занималось спортом или каким-либо искусством. Это расширит  его кругозор при выборе, в дальнейшем, своей специальности.

Порядок и аккуратность.Я считаю, что это основана всей жизни. Если у вас дома порядок, то порядок будет и в делах. Если ребенок привык к аккуратности в играх, еде и одежде с детства, то считайте, что 50% успеха ему в жизни обеспечено. Не нужно быть педантом, но убрать игрушки перед сном и умыться — это правильно. Если ваш малыш что-то случайно уронил или увидел вещь, которая валяется на полу, то надо поднять. Надо выработать такой рефлекс у малыша. Иначе, немного позднее, он просто будет не замечать это. Я думаю не надо объяснять, что если вы увидите неопрятно одетого с оторванным карманом  и грязными волосами малыша , то это  вызовет у вас неудовольствие. А представьте, что такой молодой человек придет к вам устраиваться на работу? 100% ему будет отказано. Хотя у него будет отличный диплом и прекрасные отзывы.

Мужские дела. У мальчишки они просто обязаны быть. И появиться они должны уже после первого года жизни. Первое, что должен понять ваш мальчишка — это то, что ОН МУЖЧИНА! Его действия в этом возрасте? Помогать маме, не обижать ее, защищать и не обижать девочек. Взрослея, у него появляется  желание помогать папе, быть похожим на него. Здорово, если папа объяснит мальчику чувство прекрасного и сын начнет дарить маме цветы или что-то сделанное своими руками. Еще в дошкольном возрасте каждый мальчишка должен твердо знать, что нужно защищать слабых и женщин, всегда приходить на помощь другу. Конечно будет очень хорошо если вы, еще до школы, научите сына знать и уметь пользоваться ручным инструментом, помогать в домашних делах

Похвала. Не стесняйтесь хвалить своего ребенка. Даже просто за желание что-то сделать. Старайтесь, особенно в первые 6-7 лет жизни, чаще, в качестве похвалы, прижимать его к себе. Это не только придаст силы для выполнения какого-либо действия, но и вселит уверенность в вашу поддержку и веру ребенка в самого себя. Похвалу можно также выразить словами или подарком.

Но НЕЛЬЗЯ выстраивать отношения  так, как-будто вы покупаете сделанный ребенком поступок. Это сразу заложит в головку вашего малыша продажность его действий. Такое понятие своих действий может у него остаться на всю жизнь. Хвалить за выполнение одного и того же действия нельзя постоянно.

Доброта. Малыш должен быть добрым — это заложено самой природой. Не озлобляйте его своими поступками. А если так получилось,то постарайтесь быстрее разобраться в ситуации. И, если вы не правы, надо попросить прощение у ребенка. Да! Да! Именно так. Тогда он будет знать, что если он не прав, то ему тоже надо просить прощения. Объясните своему чаду, что делать плохо другому очень нехорошо. А поступать хорошо -просто здорово.

Любовь. Любовь — это основа существования мироздания. Не зря ваш малыш, только научившись немного говорить, спрашивает: Папа, а ты меня любишь?

Не обманывайте своего ребенка в этих чувствах. Любите его. Ведь для этого не нужно ни денег. ни физических усилий. Если вы сумеете доказать и сохранить свою любовь к ребенку, то это будет возвращаться к вам всю жизнь. До самой старости.

 

Мы сами строим мир вокруг себя. В первую очередь в своих детях.

 

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