Верность

Верность. 

Верность — морально-этическое понятие, согласно словарю Ожегова: стойкость и неизменность в чувствах, отношениях, в исполнении своих обязанностей, долга[1]. Нарушение верности — измена.                                       Словарь Вебстера также определяет верность как «полный веры».

Посмотрел по словарям и для себя принял самым точным понятие из словаря Вебствера — полный веры.

Комментировать слово ВЕРА я думаю нет необходимости? Хотя, лично я считаю, что вера — это отношение с другим человеком, как с самим собой. Свое второе Я. Понятно  объяснил?

Вообще, если задуматься, на понятии ВЕРА должны строиться все отношения. В любой сфере нашей жизни. И не только между людьми. Но и между людьми и любыми тварями земными. Ведь ученые определили, что даже растение, которому человек причиняет боль, начинает бояться его.

А вот определение по словарю Ожегова хочу немного развернуть и высказать свое мнение.

Стойкость и неизменность в чувствах, отношениях.

Ни первое, ни второе слово к верности не имеет отношения. Стойкость — это из спорта и физического состояния человека. Неизменность — это что-то, скорее всего, из физики тела. Как человек может не изменяться? Ведь он не заморожен и не умер. Все в нашей жизни изменяется постоянно, в том числе и чувства, отношения.

Исполнение своих обязанностей, долга.

Обязанности, долг — это по конституции, по канонам вашей  конфессиональной веры. Это по закону (!) в конце-концов.

Но ведь понятие ВЕРНОСТЬ (мое мнение) это что-то духовное, на уровне души. Духовного родства и близости. Именно, как сказано в словаре Вебстера — верность есть полная вера.

А в реальной жизни? Что можно понимать под словом верность? Думаю все понимают, что речь в этом посте идет о супружеской верности?

Понятие верности постоянно трансформируется, не меняя основного смысла — полная вера.

Только современники, каждый в свой период времени, придумывают различные поблажки для себя. Ссылаясь на своеобразные условия в свой период бытия.

Так и сейчас мы считаем нормальными некоторые оговорки в понятие верности:

  • можно иногда «сходить на сторону», но ведь я люблю свою вторую половину и не брошу своих детей,
  • я изменю только один раз, это ей (ему) за то, что она (он) сделала мне больно … ,
  • я изменю в ответ за то, что она (он) мне изменила,
  • я изменяю потому, что она холодна ко мне (он не обращает на меня внимания),
  • я изменяю потому, что она бесплодна ( он импотент),
  • и еще бессчетное количество причин

Но вернемся к появлению понятия верности между двумя людьми. Это момент, когда двое решают в дальнейшем жить вместе.

Каковы цель и задача, которые ставят перед собой эти двое — мужчина и женщина?

  1. Опора и поддержка друг друга. Но этот смысл в своих отношениях пара поймет несколько позже. Вначале все овеяно прекрасным словом ЛЮБОВЬ.
  2. Рождение и воспитание детей.

В момент объединения ( не обязательно это заключение официального брака или определенный  конфессионный ритуал) пара определенно верит друг другу. Хотя и здесь мы уже заложили серьезную оговорку — брачный контракт.

Все-таки вера в верность в этот момент на какое-то время появилась.

А потом все зависит от действий и поступков каждого из пары. Вы не задумывались — почему один из супругов изменяет другому? Я не рассматриваю случай, где присутствует патологическое стремление к смене партнеров или человеческая распущенность (которая, кстати, закладывается родителями).

Так вот, причина появления адюльтера — элементарное неуважение одного супруга к другому. Часто это проявляется в мелочах, которые даже незаметны для того, который оказывает это неуважение. Зато для того, которого обижают,это может казаться очень сильным оскорблением.

Если вы посещали психоаналитика, то, наверное, обратили внимание на то, что он не расспрашивает вас о ваших отношениях с навязываем каких-то выводов. Он просто предлагает рассказать о своих чувствах и помогает разобраться во всем самому. И очень часто этот посетитель делает неожиданные для себя выводы, которые он не смог сделать самому себе, внутри).

К чему я сделал такое отступление?

Почему-то очень и очень редко супруги устраивают друг другу круглые столы. Где, сидя напротив, НАДО высказать партнеру все обиды и претензии. Ведь каждый имеет свое представление о каком-то поступке или фразе. И эти оценки в 99,9% не совпадают. Так вот и надо объяснять партнеру свое понимание каждого события, которое обидело вас.  Не с вызовом и обидой, а просто как факт, который имеет место быть. В результате назревающая обида или конфликт будут уничтожены в самом зародыше. И вам не нужно будет обращаться к специалистам для поиска первопричины конфликта.

Уверяю вас, любой здравомыслящий супруг, поймет и приложит все силы, чтобы в дальнейшем подобных ситуаций не было. Хотя, часто это не происходит как по мановению волшебной палочки. Не все же сразу.

Но! Главное будет достигнуто — не будет разрушена вера в своего супруга. Не появится желания ответить изменой на обиду.

Измена, как сексуальное действие, это как раз и есть проявление неуважения к своему супругу. Отсутствие желания разобраться с супругом, что его не устраивает в постели. Хотя, вы же не знаете о скрытых желаниях вашей супруги (га) в сексе? Может быть там скрывается именно то, что вы ищите на стороне.                            Измена же в отместку за измену показывает, что вы просто слабак, который не может завоевать даже собственную жену (мужа).

И еще. Серьезное замечание к обоим супругам — нельзя терять сексуальную привлекательность. Хождение дома в нижнем белье, в мятой (старой) домашней одежде, демонстрация одевания (раздевания), излишнее появление обнаженным, отсутствие прически (точнее аккуратной головы)  АБСОЛЮТНО не несут в себе сексуальной привлекательности. А, наоборот, появляется стремление увидеть это как таинство, которое и даст желаемое возбуждение. И выходит получить его на стороне. И я думаю, что женщины понимают — нанесение макияжа тоже должно быть делом интимным.

В конце моего поста хочу сказать. Девушки и женщины (как, в прочем и мужчины) оказывайте второй половине постоянное внимание. Даже если и не всегда хочется.

 

Мы сами строим мир вокруг себя.

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